The Most Important Communication Skill.

(1.5 minute read)


“I wish I could….. I really want to……. It’s too hard to do….. I don’t have time.... I can’t do that…..”


When it comes to our health and our fitness, do you have too many of these? We all know that words matter and what you say to others can have meaningful impact, but have you considered the way you talk to yourself?


Author and Therapist Marisa Peer teaches the importance of self-communication.  In school we are taught that communication is an essential skill for navigating your way through life, how to talk to parents, teachers, how to communicate in business and in relationships, but no one ever seemed to teach us how to effectively communicate with ourselves.


To change our inner dialog, first we have to be aware that one exists.  Learning to shift this dialog just might be your missing link.  Here’s how to start.


  1. Awareness – Bring your attention to your thoughts, recognize yourself as the observer of the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.  In his book “The Untethered Soul”, Michael Singer says to imagine that inner voice as a friend, would you remain friends with a person who talked to you in a way that was negative or unsupportive? Probably not, hopefully not.

  2. Shifting – Once you observe your thoughts you can shift those that are unsupportive to supportive, affirmative, and positive thoughts. It’s like getting a new friend who pumps you up and encourages you every day. 


Think about a goal that you have, a health, business, or relationship goal.  Observe your thoughts and beliefs around that goal, make shifts where necessary by flipping the script. Here are some examples:


“I really want to lose weight” to “I am losing weight”

●      when you continue to tell your brain that you “want” to do something you are also telling it that it is not possible, because if it were possible you would move from wanting to doing.  So instead of want, do!

 “I hope I get this listing” to “I have this listing or one that is better than this”

●      Believing that you’ve already got that one or one better is a great tool to leave your possibilities open to something bigger and better.  Sometimes something bigger and better does lie beneath, It is your belief that makes the difference.  

“Eating heathy is hard” to “I am getting better at making healthier choices”

●      Effort and intention go to together like action and belief.  Setting an intention and believing in the possibility are required to make the effort to take the action. Too often we wait for our actions to precede our beliefs (“I’ll believe it when I see it”) or to “feel” ready, when in reality our beliefs and intentions must come first.